Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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