that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
