if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
