I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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