why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
