Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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