That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
