batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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