I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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