he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize