I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
