Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
