All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
