Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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