Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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