If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
