I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
