I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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