im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
