my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My ass is underappreciated
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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