Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
