Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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