Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
