Will you blow on my dice?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
