well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
