I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
