U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
