Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
