Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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