Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
