you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
