my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
