Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
