There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
