I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
