my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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