does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
