i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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