Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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