see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
