did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
