they need to just BURY HIM!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
