Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
