what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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