His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
