why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
