My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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