Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
whose ass print is on the piano?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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