fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
