Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
