Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize