The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Randomize
