it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
they call him Oral-B. enough said
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
