I have demons in me.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
