Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
