The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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