haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize