I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
