My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
