It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
