not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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