Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
