Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
