Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
