he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
