And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
