Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
