I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
two words: eviction party
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize