so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
