Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
