ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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