Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
